


Satisfaction

by SlinkySpiders



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Transference, Guilt, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Spoilers for TFA, force bonding, kylo is a goddamn wreck, little OOC b/c i cant rly work with kylux in canon as it is, messing with the force, soul-mate AU sort of, thats why we have fanfiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-18 16:43:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5935525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlinkySpiders/pseuds/SlinkySpiders
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was physical attraction at first.</p><p>Hux was silent for a moment, “Is there such a thing as soul-mates, or compatible people, or anything? In Force lore or whatever you call it.” </p><p>They were so screwed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey everyone!!! here's my garbage!!!! open ur mouths!!!
> 
> jk i hope you enjoy this fanfiction! i sort of messed with the rules of the force etc. for the sake of drama and kylo/hux's relationship. also please understand that i am very new to this fandom and don't know all the correct terminologies for things, so if i messed up please just tell me and i'll fix it. 
> 
> also understand:  
> -kylo and hux both committed atrocities that their pretty faces and sad backstories do not excuse them for. in this fanfiction they will both feel guilt about their actions etc. but remember that these characters are villains and are bad people to begin with. it does not mean they cannot change (which is why im here!).
> 
> why did i say that? b/c too many people in the SW fandom are beginning to do this with hux and kylo and it's beginning to get on my nerves. 
> 
> sorry bout all that! i hope you like my story! i'll be hopefully writing some jedistormpilot and skysolo in the future!

It was physical attraction at first.

Kylo hadn’t been attracted to hardly anyone his entire life. Distractions from Snoke and then his heavy Jedi training with Luke had basically squashed out any type of chances he had ever had at actually forming a decent, sexual or romantic, relationship with anyone.

He was fine with that, really. It meant he was a stronger Force user. Relationships only ever turned out to be distracting and irritating.

[then why why did he feel guilt? Feel his father’s fingers on his cheek in his dreams?]

Hux appealed to him with his deep-set expression, sharp cheekbones, and quick lips. They had first met when Kylo was initially assigned to work on the Finalizer. He had felt his heart climb up into his throat when Hux gave him a once over.

Hux obviously hated him.

Kylo told himself he did not care. For an achingly long time this was entirely true. He would not bat an eyelash at the General and Hux seemed content to stew in his repugnance. It was better this way; more useful this way. They had never had an amicable conversation before, so Kylo hovered in attraction for quite a long time. Years passed, his schemes growing, with Hux unwillingly at his side.

Sometimes, when he was mediating, he would slip into unsettling thoughts about the General. He would list things that he admired about Hux. His perfect mask, showing nothing, his ruthless dedication to the First Order, his lips (which were always pink, except for when Hux was out on Starkiller Base in the cold for too long. Then they became chapped and sore, something Kylo knew Hux destested), his hair which was always shaped into place (unlike Kylo’s mane), and more and-

He would jolt himself out of meditation with a slight hard-on and a lingering wish that perhaps Hux would speak with him as his old friends had.

[those he had slaughtered in cold blood. Those who he still had nightmares of, visions of, those he had shared laughs with until-]

Things became more pressing when Snoke commented on Kylo’s emotions during one of their meetings. Kylo was glad of his metallic mask (he was not strong enough to school himself into a mask made of flesh) for he felt his cheeks warm considerably.

“General Hux is quite admirable, wouldn’t you agree?” Snoke said.

“Yes, he is very good at what he does,” Kylo replied.

Snoke narrowed his eyes at the Knight before he leaned back in his chair slowly.

“Do not loose yourself in that admiration, Ren.”

He felt embarrassed to have been called out and he swore that he would stamp out his attraction as soon as he had the chance.

He could either bury the feelings deep inside himself like he had with everything else or satisfy them in one go.

He attempted the first solution. But he couldn’t drag his eyes away long enough, or stop himself from engaging in conversation with Hux (which was usually very brittle), or even bring himself to a steady mediation schedule without wondering what the General was doing on his own time.

He was thankfully distracted by the business with the girl (who was she? It nagged at him) and the destruction of Starkiller Base. He did remember being carried out of the forest by Hux though. As he drifted in and out of consciousness, he could feel Hux’s warm hand on his bloodied face; a careful reminder of life.

After he killed his father and underwent additional training from Snoke, he thought those feelings would be dealt with. He returned with a mark that almost matched his grandfathers (something he thought he would be proud of, but now it marred his face with a sort of sticky dissatisfaction) to a much more shaken First Order. In the time he had been away, Hux had managed to get everything back on course, but the man was still deeply irritated that his original plans had been unraveled so quickly.

Kylo could practically feel Hux’s anger from across the room when he initially walked in. The man obviously blamed Ren for the entire ordeal. If Ren had just retrieved the droid as planned, if and if and-

There was nothing either of them could do about it now though, and Kylo reminded himself of that as he went to stand by the General’s side. He briefly thought about the planets that Hux had destroyed as he snuck a glance at the ginger’s contorted expression.

[planets full of people, planets that he had probably visited, planets that were carelessly tossed aside that he could saved]

His thoughts were still a mess, he didn’t understand. The training had made him stronger in many ways, but he was still stuck in this endless loop of confusion. Hux could not see this though (if he had removed the mask, then he would reveal an expression more ripped up than the scar running through it) and tore into Kylo with no hesitation. Kylo wished he could be that brutal. If Hux was Force sensitive, he would easily be the most powerful Sith lord in the galaxy.

“You’re back early Ren. I hope your training has cleared any foolishness out of your head. We cannot afford another mishap like Starkiller,” Hux spat.

“I expect the same from you General,” Kylo replied, but his response did not hold nearly as much bite as Hux’s.

Hux was cruel to him. But everyone had been cruel to him (including himself) so Kylo didn’t mind, not really.

He was still achingly distracted though, which would not do. The easiest thing to do would be to just avoid Hux, but he couldn’t seem to get away from the man. It was difficult and icky and all-around terrible. He needed to confront Hux about this. It was time that he squashed this issue before it blossomed into something more uncontrollable. Snoke had higher expectations of him now but he also knew he had very little wiggle room after his performance on Starkiller.

He confronted Hux later on, in Hux’s office, where the General was on the verge of a migraine. Kylo felt stifled behind his mask for the first time in a long while; he typically felt secure.

[nothing could get him in here. He was a knight in his mask. He had made the right choices he had-]

“What do you want Ren?” Hux asked dryly as he looked at a datapad.

Kylo was silent for a moment, his words stuck in his throat. He wasn’t sure how to go about convincing Hux to go along with his plan. It would only be once.

[he knew he wanted more. He knew that he was hoping deep down he would find salvation in this ruthless man sitting in front of him]

Kylo decided to remove his mask. He needed to show Hux that he was serious, that this was something they needed to do. It would enhance their progress, it would remove unwanted disturbances, and Hux could finally be free of Kylo’s smothering attraction.

Which is what he said to Hux the minute his masked slipped off. Hux actually managed to look surprised for a second before he put down the datapad he was holding and schooled his face back to it’s typical adjusted expression. He then looked oddly disgusted before resignation settled in his eyes. Kylo gulped.

“You want to have sex? Really? Are you honestly that attracted to me?” Hux asked.

“Yes. It’s interfering with the completion of my training. It would only be once,” Kylo explained.

Hux sighed, “Is that really enough to satisfy you? Supreme Leader Snoke would not approve of this, but I’m sure you understand that. I am not willing to compromise my position aboard this vessel Ren, nor am I here for you to use as a means to release energy. If you are truly that torn up, then I would suggest pushing yourself harder.”

Hux was right, of course, but Kylo was at his wits end. He wanted this to go away, he had tried to make this go away. It was eating at him constantly. If only Hux could see that.

“I-I will be satisfied,” He said quickly, his cheeks warm, “I only ask for your assistance this one time. Then I will be out of your hair. General, please, it will only get worse if we do not do something about it.”

Hux stood up suddenly, his expression cross, “Do not make this my problem. It is not any concern of mine. I am not willing to help you with this, not now, not ever. Now please get out, I have work to do.”

Kylo was quiet for a very long time. He had honestly thought that he could convince Hux (he realized that feeling of crushing defeat, an emotion that touched upon what he had felt so many years ago) and shook his head. His fists were shaking and if he had been a little less respectful of Hux he might’ve taken out his saber and started slashing away at the man’s desk. But he was not the man he had been on Starkiller-he was better. He could be better.

[he was too far gone after all]

“Hux, please, you don’t understand,” Kylo tried.

Hux did not look up from his datapad, “My answer will not change. If anyone were to find out about this, it would not look good for both of us. If you are truly this weak after completing your training, then perhaps you are not as incredible as Snoke believes you to be. That girl must’ve knocked you down a few notches.”

Now Hux was digging into him. Kylo did not appreciate that.

He grabbed the datapad out of Hux’s hands and the General yelled in indignation. Kylo leaned across the desk, the datapad grasped above them both in Kylo’s right hand. Hux’s glare was acidic and it reminded Kylo of how Rey had regarded him in the forest.

“Give it back now you petulant child,” Hux spat.

“Sleep with me. One time. I will be satisfied General. If you do not sleep with me then will continue to pester you until you do,” Kylo stated sternly.

“Are you sure it’s just attraction Ren? That sounds like much more,” Hux quipped.

Kylo knew where to hit too, “How would you know what much more is?”

Hux gaped at him and turned away. Kylo felt like he had won, but the feeling quickly burst as he realized he was bullying Kylo the way he did with everyone else. Why, why did that bother him?

“Fine, one time. I suppose it’s worth shutting you up,” Hux said.

Kylo retracted back into his usual position, the datapad still sitting in the clutches of his fingers. He placed it on the desk softly and then proceeded to put on his mask. He watched Hux carefully as he moved, watching the man rub his temples slowly with his right hand. Kylo noticed that he had removed the glove on the left hand and was now picking at a hangnail on his thumb with his middle finger.

Odd.

“I’ll see you later then, General?” Kylo asked cheekily.

Hux nodded, “When I’m ready I’ll comm you.”

Kylo left the room all hot and bothered.

\--

Hux promptly drank three cups of caf before he comm’d Kylo. He was absolutely infuriated that the man could not control his urges.

[he was not sure if he was referring to himself or Kylo]

He drank the cups slowly, wondering how it would go. He had only had intercourse once, ages ago, in a silly slipup at the academy. It was quick and he had found himself bored halfway through. He had never allowed himself to fall in love or lust with anyone. It brought about too many risks, too many liabilities. He was basically convinced Kylo would become a liability (he severely doubted the Knight was capable of being fulfilled in one night) but he was slightly hopeful that he would gain a good experience while eradicating a nuisance.

Kylo was a curious figure in Hux’s life. He had never met anyone as stubborn or conflicted as Kylo Ren. How he became the leader of the Knights of Ren was beyond him.

He was feeling regretful as he finished his last cup. Why had he agreed in the first place? Was it because Kylo’s words had taken him off guard? He had no right to be sensitive or bitter about his childhood. It had sculpted him into a perfect leader, with no regrets, who had pulled thousands of soldiers together and had even destroyed planets.

[yet, he knew, this was not his plan. Yet he knew as he gave his speech that he had been groomed to give that speech since birth]

He did believe in the First Order. It was his life. It was the rightful ruler of the galaxy.

[he ignored the notion that he only did so because he had never been exposed to anything else]

Kylo picked up immediately when Hux called. He was out of breath from training and Hux wondered if that sound would stay echoing in his ears for ages. He imagined that he would be hearing a lot of it very soon.

Kylo was stripped down to a shirt and shorts when Hux arrived. The General was generously overdressed in his overbearing military-issued uniform and boots. Kylo looked at him up and down and Hux felt nervous. He hadn’t felt nervous in ages.

“Well, let’s get this over with,” He said.

Kylo seemed to straighten himself, as if he had just fallen out of a dream.

God this was such a bad idea.

[but what if it lead to something else; what if Kylo held something else-]

Kylo sat on the bed and Hux followed, slowing undressing himself. He carefully unclasped his uniform jacket and pulled off his boots before he started stripping out of the internal layers of his outfit.

Kylo snorted as he began to fiddle with his shoulder pads.

“What?” He asked. He then realized he had never heard Kylo laugh.

The man looked at him, a slight smile on his face. Hux felt his heart beat loudly in his ears. The Knight had a great smile. Shit, Hux had never seen such a great smile. He didn’t have a great smile.

[he had never had anything to smile for. Why, why would you when no one-]

“What is it?” He asked, annoyed.

“I just didn’t know you wore those. You look a little silly, “ Kylo admitted.

He was so young, Hux thought. He was still the same kid he always had been, deep down. That scared Hux a little. It meant he was still unreliable. It meant that he was a liability. Hux should get up and leave right now.

But then Kylo kissed him and Hux felt his stomach twist up. Kylo wasn’t the best kisser (but then again, neither was Hux) and Hux figured Kylo had very little experience with sex. He had been raised as Jedi and then as Knight, he had had no time for any sort of relationship. Hux felt Kylo’s tongue enter his mouth and he was a little disgusted at first, but he had to admit it was kind of nice. He was enjoying himself.

The shoulder pads came off next, followed by Kylo’s own clothes.

Hux found himself admiring Kylo’s body several times during the whole thing. His pale skin littered with dark freckles, his flushed cheeks, the curve of his hip against Hux’s hand. Hux wasn’t rough, but he wasn’t gentle either. Yet, he found himself holding back when Kylo’s face tensed up or his legs jerked suddenly. He didn’t want to hurt the man. He had never let anyone this close, he realized as Kylo moaned loudly in his ear, in his entire life. But for one time, he would allow Kylo to get near him, to see him. And then he would sow it all up and move on with his life, his duties, and his loyalty. Kylo would as well, and then they would both be satisfied.

He fell into pleasure as they moved on. It took longer than he had ever expected it to take, as Kylo was eager to use all the precious time they had together. Hux understood, letting himself come undone when Kylo took Hux into his mouth.

[he ignored that bliss he felt when they connected. As if they had meant to their entire lives. As if this was what the universe had intended]

Afterwards, he fell asleep in Kylo’s quarters.

Whoops.

When he woke up he felt gross and sticky and exhausted. His collarbones ached where Kylo had marked him. The Knight had one arm wrapped around Hux’s waist and the side of his face cuddled into Hux’s chest. It was intimate in a way Hux had never experienced before. He did not understand suddenly why he had been so precise in their intercourse. He could’ve easily fucked Kylo and left.

[something, something had drawn him in and he didn’t know what it was]

“I need to get up Ren,” He shook Kylo’s shoulder, “I am late in attending to my duties.”

Kylo only snuggled in closer, “Stay,” He mumbled.

Hux felt drool on his chest and he shuddered. He was washing as soon as he got back to his quarters.

[Kylo was a good weight on his chest, warm, reassuring-]

He finally managed to pry Kylo off of him after he pinched the man’s cheeks hard enough to shock him into reality. As Hux hastily dressed, praying no one would see him heading back, he looked back at Kylo only once. The Knight had his head down, hair clouding his face so that Hux could not see his expression. The room was dreary and Hux felt as if Kylo might unravel. He was not prepared to deal with that so he left in a hurry.

What had he gotten himself into?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your support!

It didn’t work.

It didn’t work.

In fact, it only made it worse. Now Kylo had images, feelings, sounds, and more of Hux stored away in his mind. They pulled at him constantly. He did not understand his own heart. 

It was scaring him. He was supposed to be over this. 

Hux had resumed his responsibilities with precision. Kylo was determined to stick to his promise of not bothering the man, but he found it challenging to stay away. Still, he would will himself to avoid speaking to Hux unless necessarily. Their bickering was no longer heard on the base. 

He mediated. He distracted himself with the efforts against the Resistance. He trained harder than he had before. His dreams now switched between nightmares and glimpses into the night they had spent together. 

Hux clutching at his hips, Hux groaning into his hair, the taste-

Kylo was beginning to feel torn apart, but in a different sense. He wasn’t sure how to deal with this. He had never been given advice on this sort of thing by anyone. Not Snoke, not Luke, and definitely not his mother or father. 

He writhed around in agony, but he still managed to stay cordial with Hux as promised. He could feel something building up though. Although Hux initially started off with a calm satisfaction in his gait (Kylo could feel it) he eventually started to become snappy as time passed. It had been a while since their time together and yet the station was full of static. 

They collided once again when Hux requested Kylo in his office. 

Kylo entered cautiously, not knowing what Hux wanted. Hux never called him there unless Kylo had behaved particularly badly or if they needed to discuss plans in private (which had only happened twice in their many years together). 

So it was a great surprise to see Hux sitting with his hands weaved together until his chin, expression stern. Kylo was even more worried now. 

“Sit down and take off that mask,” Hux instructed.

Kylo did as he was told. He was so curious as to what Hux wanted. 

“What have you called me here for?” He asked.

Hux let out a deep sigh and stared at Kylo for a long time, his eyes scrunched up in thought. Kylo resisted the urge to shiver. He did not wan to put Hux off. Not now, not when he was still so ripped up. He was unsure of where they were going, but they were definitely going somewhere together. He could feel the discomfort in the room as well the anxiety built up in Hux (he had been feeling it for a while, which he shouldn’t be, not this strongly). 

He had been ignoring that too. He just thought that perhaps they were a little more aware of one another because they had been so intimate. But now that he was in physical proximity with Hux, he suddenly realized how intense Hux was feeling. Kylo felt dread pool in his stomach. He had been thoughtless. 

“Enlighten me, is it possible for a Force-sensitive user to bond with a someone who is not?” Hux asked.

Kylo swallowed, “I have heard it is possible, but it is only rumors and that sort of practice is not something I have ever engage-“

Hux suddenly stood up, his eyes enraged, “You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Don’t play coy with me.” 

“If you’re referring to our recent emotional awareness, then yes. But I am not sure why we are suddenly so connected,” Kylo snarled. 

“Is this not a common thing? I didn’t know fucking a Force user would lead to this,” Hux spat.

“It doesn’t usually! I have felt you more strongly as of late, but I believed it to be because of our closeness that night. I did not think it was anything more. I assumed it would go away or weaken as time passed,” Kylo explained. 

“Well it hasn’t!” Hux exclaimed, “I can feel your guilt in my stomach! Your nightmares had disrupted my sleep schedule and your rapidly shifting emotions have left distracted from my duties! I am holding you completely responsible.” 

Kylo stood up now, “I did nothing. I didn’t plan for this to happen. I didn’t even know this could happen. You are not Force sensitive, I have checked. ”

“Of course you have,” Hux muttered, “And I didn’t need you to tell me that, Snoke evaluated me the minute I walked in.”

He sounded awfully bitter about that for some reason. Kylo felt a similar emotion bubble up inside his chest. They both had a moment of realization, a single blink of light as they comprehended how they had been used from the start. 

Hux glared at Kylo, which effectively snapped him out of it, and began to speak again.

“You had a nightmare last time you slept. About your father. I could feel your sobs in my chest. It was agony Ren. I felt sorry for you. I don’t understand how I could possibly feel sorry for you.” 

[Kylo felt his heart snap a little. He didn’t know why] 

“I did have a nightmare, as I usually do every time I sleep. I don’t know why you felt it so deeply,” Kylo replied. 

“Have you felt me?” Hux said suddenly. 

Kylo played with his bottom lip, “I suppose. I was ignoring it at first, thinking it would go away. Now that I think about it I have been more aware of your moods, but it is difficult for me to distinguish your emotions from mine. You are much more calm than I am, like a sea at rest. I am a storm in comparison.”

He stopped speaking when he realized he had just admitted to Hux that he was weak.

“No kidding,” Hux drawled, “How do you deal with it?” 

Kylo shrugged, “It is my life. I will overcome it. I am a Knight.”

Hux was silent for a moment, “Is there such a thing as soul-mates, or compatible people, or anything? In Force lore or whatever you call it.” 

Kylo sat down and ran a shaky hand through his hair. Hux’s emotions were smothering him, hot and heavy and confusing, as he attempted to deal with his own feelings. 

Anger, perplexity, fear, loneliness. 

[hope] 

“I have heard rumors of such a thing, but I have never witnessed it nor know of a physical example. Even if it were true, it would typically occur between two Force sensitive users,” Kylo explained.

“Maybe I am then,” Hux replied.

“No,” Kylo quickly said back, “You’re not. You’d know it by now.”

He took a deep breath, “You have, however, been exposed to me. Perhaps the sex triggered something. If we really are soul mates, then the connection may have been established then. It is a possibility.”

[hope] 

“How do we get rid of it?” Hux asked.

Kylo shook his head, “I don’t know. If we are soul mates, however, than our bond is permanent. Those who attempt to sever the bond or remove themselves from the other’s presence supposedly deal with severe consequences.”

“Like what?” Hux asked.

Kylo looked up at the General, catching the trepidation hiding in Hux’s pupils that Kylo could already feel in his own heart, “Insanity. Death perhaps. It is not a good situation General.”

Hux placed his hands on his desk and hung his head, “So you’re saying if we spend time apart, we will suffer. That’s why I’m so torn up about not speaking with you. Is that it?”

“Possibly,” Kylo replied.

“We should consult the Supreme Leader,” Hux said, “He will know what to do.”

“No!” Kylo exclaimed, “He must never know.”

Hux gave him a dry look, “You know he probably already knows.” 

Kylo looked away, “Yes, that is more than likely. But if he does he has said nothing about it, so he obviously believes there is nothing to be done.”

“How could he think that,” Hux muttered. 

Kylo felt sick all of a sudden as Hux’s feelings dipped into regret, something Kylo hated experiencing. He stood up, swaying slightly, and worked quickly to put his mask on. His fingers kept slipping as he clicked it into place. He needed to mediate. 

“You’re leaving?” Hux asked.

“Obviously,” Kylo said back, his cape sweeping across the floor as he dashed into the hallway. 

\--

Kylo was at a loss. 

He had never seen or heard of their situation occurring in the past. It was strange, suddenly understanding that little speck of emotion that was definitely not him but instead belonged to someone else entirely. He hadn’t been lying to Hux when he said he hadn’t truly noticed before. It was difficult to pinpoint his own emotions most of the time, so they had most likely clouded out the feedback he had been receiving from the General.

It seemed Hux was feeling the brunt of their issue, which made perfect sense as the man had no experience with the passion and lunacy that was Kylo Ren’s mental state. He had forgotten how mixed up he actually was, how unstable he tended to be. Hux’s anger and frustration were tied deep into his chest now as a reminder.

He tried to mediate, but it didn’t work because he continued to focus on the new feelings he was facing. Now that he understood and was aware of the presence inside himself, he couldn’t seem to stop thinking about it. He didn’t want to forget about Hux, he realized, and he didn’t want Hux to forget about him. 

[he wanted this to last, he did not want to lose another] 

He eventually fell asleep, his dreams not fearful nor pleasurable, but a strange, warped mess of perceptions and conversations that were almost certainly not his. They were connected, it seemed, somehow. 

He awoke to a loud banging on his door. He almost crowed at the disturbance to go away, but he forced himself up anyways when he remembered there was a decent chance it was something important. As he slipped on his shirt he suddenly knew it was Hux at that door. He could feel the man, hear his heartbeat almost, and their proximity thrilled him. 

Hux looked less than ecstatic to be standing outside Kylo’s room, but his face was set in determination, meaning that he had crawled back to Kylo with something in mind. 

He didn’t wait for Kylo to let him in, simply pushing past the Knight as he wriggled his way deeper into Kylo’s life. He was dressed down to a dress shirt, his shoulder pads gone, his typically fluffy pants stripped off and replaced with soft sweats. His hair was thrown about and it was then that Kylo realized how disheveled Hux looked. He felt a little bit guilty all of a sudden for being the cause of that. 

Hux turned on him, eyes weary, “I felt that too. Why is it that I can feel you stronger than you can feel me? Shouldn’t it be the other way round?” 

Kylo shrugged, “It probably has to do with how strong my emotions are compared to yours. And our individual levels of control.”

He no longer felt that pang he had before at admitting his weakness. Hux was now privy to almost all he had to offer, it did not matter if the man was aware of Kylo’s true understanding of himself. 

[he wanted to bare himself to the man, to someone] 

Hux cursed under his breath, “I forgot you have the emotional capacity of an entire galactic system. You really ought to work on that.” 

Kylo frowned, “I am trained.” 

Hux sighed loudly, a noise so engrained with exasperation that it took Kylo slightly off guard, “I didn’t come in here to pick a fight with you. Don’t look like that, please.”

“Why did you come here?” Kylo asked.

Hux threw his hands up, “Because it’s horrible being away from you. There, I said it. It’s awful. I hate it. I’m cranky and sleep-deprived and it’s all your fault. You and your lack of control.” 

Kylo could feel Hux’s hate curling up in his chest and he winced without thinking.

Hux stopped in his tirade to look at Kylo, “You shit, you can’t hide from me. You love me don’t you? Or maybe you want to love me?” 

“No!” Kylo yelled, “I’m-“

Hux waved his words away, “It doesn’t matter. You are silly to lie with me with words when I can feel differently. Look, since we are both fully aware of this situation, I will use it to my advantage.”

“Which entails?” Kylo probed. 

“I cannot work as I have been. I will sleep with you, in bed, and see if that helps. You will continue your behavior as you had been before the incident, but I will not sleep with you again, so don’t go thinking you’re back to square one,” Hux explained.

“How will this help?” Kylo asked.

“I’m hoping the physical proximity will lessen my stress. Are you truly not feeling the same?” Hux said. 

Kylo shrugged, “I guess I am. But I have been dealing with these emotions far longer than you have. I’ve always found it difficult to stay away from you when I know I should. I don’t think I realized the difference.”

Hux put his head in his hands, “Fuck you totally love me.”

“I don’t! Truly!” Kylo countered. 

Hux raised his head up, expression heavy with exhaustion, “Whatever. That doesn’t matter right now. I just want to sleep, so go get into bed.”

“How will you explain your room change to-“ Kylo started.

“To who? There are few people that will question me Ren, and you underestimate my abilities. No one will find out we have been sharing quarters,. At least not from me,” Hux stated sharply as he crawled into the sheets. 

Hux is warm, Kylo thought as the man pressed his back against Kylo’s. At first, their minds keep clashing, thoughts whirling around their private space. Eventually however, Kylo tried focusing on their heartbeats until he knew Hux had slipped into sleep. He followed soon after and the for the first time in a long time, he had no dreams. 

[Hux’s heartbeat reminded him of his uncle’s, who would hold him and tell him stories of the stars]

\--

For the next few weeks they fell into a simple cycle. They would bicker in front of company, eat meals together, and sleep in silence. Kylo felt calmer than he had in a long time and even Hux’s brows were less stiff. 

Which was terrifying.

Kylo knew deep down that encouraging their interaction would only deepen the bond. Hux also seemed aware of this (or Kylo assumed he was) because he continued to return to Kylo’s side. Snoke had said nothing more of their new development, but Kylo could sense that his curiosity had been peaked. 

But for now, he at least had Hux nearby, which was a comfort. The man turned out to be just as diligently organized in his personal life as he was in his professional one. He would fold his clothes neatly before getting into bed, and was an absolute stickler about Kylo leaving his belongings all over the floor. He ate sitting stiff at a table, his hands cutting his food into perfect portions. Sometimes Kylo would catch Hux before he left. In bed, he would sneakily watch Hux slip on his uniform and gel his hair. It almost felt domestic.

They would alternate between each-other’s rooms. Kylo found himself preferring his own room to Hux’s, because the General had no personal effects in his own at all. It was still the same as it had been the day it was given to him.

[which terrified Kylo, because he couldn’t live without connections, even if they were as shallow as his grandfather’s mask]

Kylo also discovered that Hux could draw. 

It was when they were both up in bed together, feet touching but hands to their own. Hux had managed to find some flimsi and Kylo watched the man’s hands fly over the surface. He was using a datapad (which was a little risky of him, seeing as how hard he was pressing on that blasted piece of flimsi) as a surface. Kylo had assumed he was writing up notes for some meeting or whatnot, but when he actually managed to take a look at what Hux had been working on he realized that he had been sorely mistaken.

Hux had been drawing Kylo. It was a portrait of Kylo’s back as he slept on his side. Sheets curled around his waist and calmly gathered around the clusters of moles that were scattered across his skin. Kylo felt embarrassed yet honored Hux had decided to use his talent on him. Hux’s head flicked up to Kylo’s gaze and the Knight wasn’t quick enough to pull away. 

“You’re smothering me with admiration right now, did you know that?” Hux said.

“It’s really good,” Kylo replied, ignoring Hux’s jab. 

Hux’s face scrunched up and Kylo focused on the tiny pang of happiness that blossomed in his chest. Hux liked being complimented on his work. Kylo didn’t find that surprising, the man was practically dripping with ego, but the sensation felt a little different than simple self-love.

[or maybe he was just imagining it. Maybe he just wanted it to be so]

“Thanks,” Hux said softly, “I don’t sketch very often but you have a very...interesting skin pattern.”

Kylo snorted, “You really suck at this whole socializing thing.” 

Hux put down his flimsi now, jutting his bottom lip out in exasperation, “You aren’t a great talker either Ren! It’s not like our jobs involve being able to hold a conversation.”

“This isn’t our job though,” Kylo said back. 

Hux shrugged, “But it’s not our personal life either. This happened because you couldn’t control yourself.”

Kylo curled the sheets in between his fingers. He felt his earlier joy get washed away by bitter resentment and he glared at Hux. Their talks typically progressed this way, with both men too tempted to dig into the other to resist.

“Says the man who slept with me once and now continues to come to my bed,” Kylo countered. 

“You know exactly why I’m here!” Hux sputtered. 

“Hmm,” Kylo mumbled. 

This was how their talks typically ended too. With the emotional transference, both were so painfully aware of how the other was truly feeling that it was impossible to drag the fight out as they had in the past. It was no fun trying to get under someone’s skin when you knew what they were feeling. Kylo detested it because he would immediately gain a sensation of guilt in his side whenever he bothered Hux, and Hux detested it because he was beginning to act the same way. 

\--

“If you could do anything in the galaxy, besides working for the First Order, what would it be?” Kylo asked him.

Hux furrowed his brows, “I live for the First Order. How could you ask me that?” 

“Yeah but, what if you had a choice,” Kylo urged. 

Hux stared at him, “Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m just curious. It’s slow today, I figured you might appreciation conversation,” Kylo said, slightly flustered. 

“Since when have I ever enjoyed a conversation with you?” Hux bit back, but it did not hold the bile it would’ve before, it was now laced with a teasing tone.

“You can’t lie to me,” Even through the mask, Kylo, sounded amused. 

Hux looked up at the ceiling for a moment, deep in thought. 

“I guess I would be a map-maker,” Hux said.

“Is that even needed anymore?” Kylo asked skeptically. 

“You said it could be anything,” Hux pointed out. 

“Why that?” Kylo asked after a moment. 

Hux shrugged, “I don’t know. It seems interesting. Traveling the galaxy and organizing it so that other people can travel it too. Seems worthy enough.”

“That’s pretty cute General,” Kylo teased.

“Shut up Ren.” 

\--

Hux discovered that Kylo was a lousy drunk. Just awful. Why he thought the Knight would be able to hold his liquor was beyond him. 

Hux had had a long session reviewing Phasma’s new shipment of troops and he was tired. Kylo had been feeling off all day in his chest and so he pulled out an old bottle of Cognac he had been saving. He thought Kylo would appreciate it. They were both grown adults, after all.

Hux had forgotten Kylo was truly a young kid at heart.

Now he had a lapful of Kylo Ren, whose cheeks were rosy with liquor, and a smile hanging off of his lips. Hux felt his heart in his ears again as he looked at that smile. His cheeks burned even though he was hardly drunk. Kylo had pushed his face into Hux’s stomach, hands wound around his waist. He would’ve pushed the Knight off of him, but the touch was calming his nerves and he was too tired to care.

[so he told himself. Not because it reminded him of the way his mother would embrace him before him and his father had fled] 

“Yo-youre really quite good at thi-ss sort of thing,” Kylo muttered.

“What sort of thing?” Hux asked.

Kylo waved his hands about, “Ya know, runnin’ this place and stuff. You really believe in the first-first order dontcha?” 

His voice was heavy and warm against Hux’s chest. It hooked him in.

“It is my job,” He explained.

Kylo laughed a little, the sound sending shivers up Hux’s spine.

“I knooowww,” He drawled, “But ya really believe in Snoke and all that?”

“Don’t you?” Hux asked, slightly concerned.

Kylo grunted, “I guess, but s’kinda hard for me to know what is right and wrong sometimes. Snoke thinks it’s because I’m the balance in the Force between Dark and Light, but I just think its cuz I’m a fuck-up.”

Hux was silent for a long time. 

“Do you mean that?” Hux asked tentatively.

Kylo looked up at him with a downturned expression and reached up to run a sweaty hand through Hux’s bangs. 

“Yea, but s’okay, I’ve got you,” Kylo grinned.

Hux buried down that little burst of affection he got in his chest. It must’ve been from Kylo. Yes, of course.

[it wasn’t]


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is a day late! 
> 
> thanks to everyone who read this story! i really appreciate all your love. i hope you like the ending!

“Kylo, the Supreme Leader is requesting our presence,” Hux said. 

They were standing in Hux’s office, discussing the new plans for an improved Starkiller Base. Sometimes they would fall into teasing (which was becoming more flirty and playful each time it happened) but Hux was determined to get the plans finalized so they could begin construction. 

Kylo had his mask off, as he always did with Hux now, and was staring out at the stars through the viewport. Hux’s voice was steady, but Kylo felt unease twist in his chest. Hux had been more nervous around Snoke as of late, as had Kylo, because both men were suddenly painfully paranoid about the elder having deep knowledge of their predicament. Kylo would experience Hux’s stress each time they had a session with their leader and it was beginning to grate on his own nerves (even though they were practically stripped bare 99% of the time anyways).

He disliked that Snoke was disturbing Hux. He didn’t like that Hux was upset. 

How far had he fallen? When had they gone from enemies to friends? 

“You’re worried,” Kylo stated as he walked over to the desk. Hux’s knuckles were white as he gripped the desk.

“Of course I am. Our relationship has changed, and it is continuing to change. I don’t hate being around you anymore. Snoke is bound to say something,” Hux explained.

“What do you think he will say?” Kylo questioned. 

Hux sighed, “I don’t know, and that’s what’s bothering me.”

Kylo came up behind him and rested his chin on Hux’s shoulder. This had been happening more too, physical touches, because they had both found that it helped ease the ache they developed by being away from one another. 

“We’ll be okay,” Kylo said, trying to pick up Hux’s mood. 

Hux shook his head, “We’re acting like a couple Ren. We aren’t a couple, right?”

Kylo didn’t reply.

\--

Hux felt himself sweating under his collar as he entered the room where Snoke sat. Each audience with his master made him more and more stressed. He had never felt this way before. It was not a good sign. 

[that he now lived for seeing Kylo, that he was enjoying himself, that they would sleep together and end up in each other’s arms]

He had never known anything other than the First Order. Never lived for anything other than the First Order. His father had modeled him into the perfect agent for the Dark Side. Now he was beginning to live for Kylo Ren. He suspected that Kylo felt the same as their exchanges became more and more amicable. 

Snoke would not approve though. He may separate them (which might kill Hux, and that was scary) or hurt Kylo. 

[he rather Snoke hurt him. why, he didn’t know] 

He had been raised believing that he would rule the galaxy. Or that the First Order would rule the galaxy and he would be at the helm of their power. That had been his mission, motivation, and purpose throughout his entire life. He had never known anything else nor allowed himself to know anything else. 

Still, standing here, his heart so loud he was surprised Snoke couldn’t hear it, he didn’t know if that was true anymore.

Kylo had managed to infiltrate his life in ways he did not know were possible. He had joked earlier, ages earlier that Kylo wanted to love him, and now he was almost positive Kylo did. He could feel the distress pouring off the Knight; disquiet directed at Hux in a manner he had never encountered before. He had also felt small pangs of romance from time to time, which he would always blame on Ren. 

[lies]

“General, Ren, you’re both so tense. Please, relax,” Snoke started.

Kylo did not let go of any of the tension he was holding. Hux was beginning to feel some animosity in his own heart from Kylo and he realized that it was because Kylo disliked seeing Hux upset. The animosity was directed at Snoke. 

Oh no. 

[deep down, Hux was pleased that he was the focus of Kylo. He had never known love, what if-] 

“Is there a reason you called us here today, Supreme Leader?” Hux asked carefully. 

Snoke was silent as he regarded them, his position slouched low in his grand seat. Hux always though the hologram was a little stupid, because it was unnecessarily large and took up much too much energy on the ship and-

His thoughts were unraveling; he really was nervous. 

“You both understand what has happened between you two,” Snoke stated coldly. 

Hux’s chest tightened as Kylo’s did. 

“Yes,” They answered together. 

[hope]

“You understand what must be done then,” Snoke continued.

Hux didn’t know what to say. Snoke obviously had something in store, but he had little knowledge of the Force, he didn’t kno-

“Please explain Supreme Leader,” Kylo spoke. 

“I have given you time to sort this dilemma out by yourselves, but it seems to have caused more problems. This is a warning Ren. If you do not figure out how to deal with your emotions and the connection that has occurred between the both of you, then I’m afraid the General will die,” Snoke said.

Hux’s heart dropped. Specks of disbelief and rage burst in his chest as Kylo spoke again. 

“I will sort it out, you have my word,” Kylo said, his voice shaky. 

“Good,” Snoke said, “Now go. I hope to hear no more of this from either of you, understand?” 

They nodded and quickly fled.

When they reached Kylo’s quarters, as neither of them had the energy to make the march to Hux's, Kylo immediately ripped off his mask and threw it across the room. Hux felt his throat close and his chest tighten as the brunt of Kylo’s rage flared up in front of him. The Knight was livid, practically burning, as he stood in his room. His hands hovered over his light saber, but Hux knew he would not draw it. The Knight had never drawn his light saber in front of Hux after the night they had slept together.

Perhaps out of respect? Hux didn’t know.

“Kylo,” He choked out, “I can’t bre-a-th.”

Kylo immediately turned around, his expression wide and open, eyes rimmed red.

Shit, shit. This was so bad. If Hux’s father could see him now he would punch his teeth out for being so irresponsible. He ought to be punished. He was doubting himself and the First Order and-

Kylo was suddenly at his face, hands on his cheeks, thumbs catching the tears that Hux didn’t realize were coming from his own eyes. Kylo’s hands were still shaking, but his grip was tight. Hux felt a deep concern flow into his body as Kylo’s care made itself more known. 

“I won’t let him kill you,” Kylo said. 

“What else are we going to do?” Hux said back, his voice wet.

Kylo’s face was drawn up in pain, Hux hated seeing that. Sometime during this mess he started hating seeing Kylo upset. Why, what did this mean? Why was he feeling this way?”

“He’ll kill me and then he’ll torture you. Why-why do I feel this way Ren? What have you done to me?” Hux yelled. 

Kylo kissed him in response. 

When they pulled away, Hux spoke quietly, “I’ve never done anything that wasn’t in the interests of the First Order. I was supposed to rule the galaxy Ren.”

“I-I don’t understand what’s happening here either,” Kylo admitted, “All I know is that I have failed in my mission to fulfill my grandfather’s dream. I let you in too close.”

“Should we separate?” Hux asked, slightly scared of what Kylo would say.

“We should,” Kylo replied, but his hands were still cupping Hux’s face.

“But I don’t want to,” Kylo admitted.

“We can’t keep on like this. We will die, we will loose everything. I don’t know how else to live. I’ve never loved anyone,” Hux said, all his confessions pouring out of him. 

He had never bared himself to anyone. His father used to hit him whenever he attempted to speak with the man about his feelings. He was told from a very young age that the First Order was his life, his everything, and that anything else was inconsequential. 

“I’ll kill your father,” Kylo growled.

Hux was taken off guard, “What?”

“I’ll kill him for hurting you,” Kylo repeated. 

“How did you feel that?” Hux questioned. 

“I just received an image of him striking and scolding you in my mind,” Kylo said.

“Does this happen often?” 

“No,” Kylo stated, “But it means that our bond is growing stronger.”

Hux looked down at his shoes, “Ren, how do you want to move forward?”

“I-I shouldn’t abandon the First Order after everything I have done but I do not want to abandon you either. Now that you mean so much to me,” Kylo said. 

Hux nodded in agreement.

“Snoke will know if we continue like this,” Hux whispered.

“He already plans to have me kill you in a few weeks time regardless of how we act,” Kylo said.

Hux looked at him incredulously, “What?”

“There is no other way to break a bond. I didn’t tell you this before because I was afraid you would be interested in it, but I heard that the only way to destroy a soul-bond is if one member kills the other directly. Snoke knows this too. He probably plans to use you as another test for me. You are most likely getting replaced as we speak,” Kylo explained. 

Hux tore himself away from Kylo and sat down on the bed, holding his head in his hands. Everything he had ever worked for was gone now. He had failed.

“I’m ruined,” Hux muttered. 

Kylo embraced him from the front and Hux buried his face into Kylo’s shoulder. 

“We still have time to figure this out. A few weeks at the most probably,” Kylo told him.

Hux clutched onto Kylo’s shoulders, “Do you want to run away?”

“Maybe,” Kylo said, “I don’t really know.”

“Where would we go?” Hux asked.

“To the Outer Rim, and then as far away as possible. We’ll disappear. If Snoke looses the both of us the Resistance will easily take him down. Then we can come back and rebuild the First Order together,” Kylo said. 

“Do you really want to rebuild the First Order?” Hux asked.

The thought terrified him and it shouldn’t. He should be eager.

[he didn’t want to admit that he had been hoping for Ren to rescue him from the Order all along]

“Don’t you?” Kylo questioned softly.

“I don’t know anymore. I don’t know if I can live for them anymore. You can feel the Dark side, don’t you know?”

“No,” Kylo replied quickly, “And to be honest with you, the more love I feel for you the stronger the Light pulls at me.”

Hux pulled away, “But I’m the worst man you could’ve fallen in love with.”

[self-loathing brought up from dregs of his memory. Self-loathing at the person he had become] 

Kylo smiled, “I know, but love is still love.”

“Don’t get sappy on me Ren,” Hux said sharply.

“Call me Kylo,” He kissed Hux again.

Shit, they were in so deep.

Kylo then managed to distract Hux by thoroughly making out with him. 

“What,” Hux gasped as Kylo kissed him again, “Are you doing?” 

Kylo hummed against his neck, breathe hot, “I’m taking advantage of you General, at least before we have to run.”

Hux groaned as Kylo nipped at his shoulder, “We aren’t finished talk-ah!” 

“I can’t wait any longer Hux, I want to show you how much I care for you,” Kylo said.

God this was terrible.

“I can feel it everyday you idiot, I already know,” Hux said, slightly annoyed.

Kylo left butterfly kisses on his face, “But let me show you.”

This time with each roll of his hips and gasp of his mouth, Hux knew that he had finally fallen into the abyss that was Kylo Ren and was never going to get out.

\-- 

“What should I do grandfather? Please, guide me. Tell me the way to go.”

No answer. 

\--

A week passed. Hux continued to work as diligently as possible, but he was faltering. 

Kylo had an episode that week, something that hadn’t occurred since they had bonded. The stress was beginning to tear them apart. Hux knew distantly that it was probably part of Snoke’s plan to use them like this, but he found himself hoping that they would be strong enough to get through it anyways.

He was scolding his employees more often and was being terribly strict on reports. The only thing that could unwind him was holding Kylo after they both got into bed, their hands clinging to their bodies as they tried to escape the demon that haunted them both. 

Kylo admitted to Hux that he had been feeling uneasy for much longer than he had shown. On a mission to a local desert planet to investigate a Resistance sighting, Kylo had spared the villagers instead of his typical murderous instructions. He told Hux he couldn’t bring himself to slice them down, not when images of what they might be holding (lovers, children, happiness, life, the Light that Kylo so desperately needed) pulled at him. 

Hux admitted back that he was purposely stalling plans for the new Starkiller. For some reason, the idea of wiping out entire planets wasn’t as appealing.

They both shuddered at the thought of their change. Both disclosed they did not want to work for the First Order but were not interested in helping the Resistance. Hux wasn’t too sure if Kylo was being honest though, because he knew the Knight was secretly determined to take Snoke down.

Hux had never experienced anything other than the First Order. The Resistance seemed daunting, since he had always been told it brought chaos to the galaxy. He hated chaos, but now he was beginning to hate the brutal nature of the First Order more.

[whenever he felt this way he would visit the affection he had for Kylo to steady himself] 

He was worried. 

\--

Kylo knew they were in danger when he heard Snoke’s voice in his dreams. He woke up in a daze, mind soaked in fear and old, old memories. Hux was immediately at his side, his hands wrapped around Kylo’s arm like a solid anchor to the real world. 

Snoke hadn’t spoken to Kylo like this in ages, since he had been training with Luke. Then, it had only been a method to convince Kylo to join the Dark Side, but now Kylo realized Snoke was pressuring him. He was failing at his task to be a Knight of Ren. It was only going to get worse. 

“Kylo? What’s wrong?” Hux asked him. 

Kylo shook his head. His bangs were wet with sweat. He could still feel Snoke’s whispers in his mind, a touch on the feelings he had for Hux. It terrified him and he disliked feeling so scared all the time. 

“Snoke,” His voice was raw, “He’s trying to ease me into killing you.”

Hux slowly pulled Kylo into his arms, “Is that what this awful feeling is? I thought you were just being moody.”

Kylo looked up at him, “You feel it too?” 

“Since you do. But I didn’t realize it was Snoke,” Hux said softly. 

“It will only get worse the longer I let you live. If I fail at this, there will be dire consequences. He knows I don’t live for the Order anymore Hux,” Kylo explained.

Hux started to run his fingers through Kylo’s hair. The motion soothed the Knight’s heart, sending him back in time to when his father (in that rare snapshot of his life when he was actually around) would do so when the nightmares spurred by Snoke became too much.

[he was still that ten-year-old kid at heart. He had not changed, only grown taller]

“We have to leave Ren, we have to get out of here,” Hux said harshly, the words obviously taking a lot out of him.

“I know,” Kylo whispered back.

It was a big step for both of them, but Kylo wasn’t sure where they were headed.

“We’ll leave as soon as possible,” Kylo suddenly said, “After your first shift.”

“Okay,” Hux breathed, “Okay.”

\--

They should’ve left immediately, Kylo thought, they should’ve never given Snoke a chance. 

Kylo felt Hux’s anguish so strongly that it knocked him off his feet as he stood in the bridge. Officers turned to look at him as he collided with the floor. Hux was in pain. 

He was being tortured, Kylo realized distantly as he pulled himself up and started towards the audience chamber. Snoke had pulled Hux. Shit, Kylo wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon. They should have another few days at the least. He also didn’t expect Snoke to hurt Hux without Kylo present. 

What was he doing?

His anger increased as images of Hux on his knees burst into his mind. Snoke was torturing him with the Force. Kylo suddenly had a flashback of his own torture of Rey and he fell to his own knees, head clutched in his hands.

[guilt, like bile, rose up in his throat] 

More descriptions flashed in his mind. Time was being lost from him, slipping through his fingers as he tried to work through the agony Hux was experiencing and his own terrible decisions. 

He didn’t know how long he had been on the floor, but he eventually managed to gain a grip on the wall and hoist himself back up. His vision blurred with rage as he stormed towards where he could feel Hux and Snoke. He knew that Snoke would speak lies to him when he arrived but Hux would die if he did not hurry. 

He practically blasted the entrance door open. 

It was empty. 

Where? Where are you Hux? Where are you?, Kylo called desperately. 

Kylo knew Hux was in the room. But he could not see him or hear him. The smell of blood hung in the air, however, and he felt his stomach tighten. He forcefully ripped off his mask and threw it down. He was disgusted with it now. He couldn’t let it get in the way anymore. 

“Where are you hiding you coward!” Kylo screamed. 

“Look at him Ren. Look at the man you gave your heart to,” Snoke spoke. 

Hux’s motionless body was tossed at Kylo. His heavy form slammed into Kylo’s back and he hit the ground for the third time. Snoke was circling around them. It was not a hologram though, Snoke was there. He was with them. 

Kylo didn’t care though, not yet at least.

He pulled himself around so that he could gather Hux into his arms. The man had been stripped of all his clothes. His neck was red with angry marks obviously left by the Force. Bruises were scattered down his chest and back. Kylo spotted angry burn marks screaming at him from Hux’s sides. They were hot with blood. How long had Hux been here? Why couldn’t Kylo feel it before? Snoke couldn’t have done this much damage in such a short time. How long had he been down before? 

“What have you been doing to him?” Kylo growled. 

“Your lover is weak Kylo Ren. He will let you down just as your father did. Look how weak he is in your arms,” Snoke said. 

“Hux is a better man than my father ever was,” Kylo spit out 

[he knew that his father was a good man, deep down, and that he was responsible for killing such a good man] 

“You don’t believe that, do you?” Snoke was speaking in his ear now, but Kylo did not turn to look at him. He kept his gaze on Hux’s chest as it shakily moved up and down. 

“He will not let me down,” Kylo snarled. 

“Yes he will, like they always do,” Snoke said

Kylo did not reply.

“Now kill him. You understand what will happen if you do not,” Snoke hissed.

Kylo couldn’t focus on anything other than the man in his arms. He would not falter again as he had with his family, and his father, and all those he had slaughtered and tortured for the sake of Snoke and his ambitions. He knew then that he was better than that. Hux was better than all of that.

He stood up, Hux clutched to his chest, eyes stinging with wrath.

“I will not!” He yelled. 

Snoke retreated away from him but Kylo could still sense the beast lurking nearby. He knew Snoke could easily disarm him, kill Hux, and drag him back into the Dark. If he killed Hux then Kylo would have nothing to live for. They had to get out, he realized, he didn’t have time to waste on Snoke. More moments in the chamber only gave Snoke more opportunities to rip what mattered most right of Kylo’s arms.

[oh how that name was starting to feel bitter on his lips]

He began to walk towards the exit, the Force pushing at him to attack Snoke, but he wasn’t sure if some of that was manipulation done by his now ex-leader or simply a result of the anger inside himself. He would not rely on either, not now when Hux was barely breathing. Not now. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Snoke asked.

Kylo felt the Force halt him. His body lit up in sharp pain as he resisted. Hux moaned softly and Kylo could feel some of his agony as well. 

No, no, not again. 

[he would not let Hux fall as he had let his father fall, he would not let guilt rule his life. He would not be torn apart again]

He burst out of the grip, almost slipping to the floor once more. Hux gasped as Kylo exited the room hastily. His feet were loud as he ran across the Finalizer, deep clangs against his mind. He was still hurting, he realized, with Snoke just inches from his mind. He was almost to his Command Shuttle, he would make it. Hux was shivering in his arms-

“Where are you going with the General, sir?” Phasma’s voice smacked him into him hard. She stood in front of him with several troopers. 

She sounded furious, which Kylo recognized because he knew she understood they were defecting. She was smarter than many officers gave her credit for. She cocked her weapon at him. The troopers seemed hesitant, as if their motions would determine which side they stood on for the rest of time.

(and really, it did)

“Let me through Captain,” He hissed.

“I’m afraid I cannot do that sir,” She replied simply.

“Please,” He begged, “You have to let me through.”

“Your actions are suspicious Lord Ren, almost treacherous. Are you sure you want to come through?” 

He took two steps forward, “Yes.”

A trooper shot at them suddenly, his hands obviously itchy. Plasma turned to him and began to scold him, but Kylo didn’t care. He stopped the blaster beam easily. He really didn’t want to do this. 

“Sir-“ Plasma started.

He knocked them all down. 

When he climbed into the shuttle, he quickly took off his cloak and wrapped Hux with it. The man was still basically unconscious, but Kylo was worried about the burns he had sustained. If Kylo didn’t move quickly, they would become infected in no time. 

He placed Hux on the co-pilot seat, too protective to keep Hux any further away than that. His hands kept shaking as he operated the controls, fingers slipping away from switches and buttons and whatnot.

He had to be steady, he reminded himself. 

[for Hux was saving him]

No one stopped their escape, but Kylo winced as he felt Snoke attempt to grab at his mind one last time. He pushed him out roughly and he felt something inside himself shift. It burned at his heart for a moment before it was snuffed out. He felt calmer in a way that he hadn’t known since he was a small child, still tucked in mother’s arms.

\-- 

“Master Luke? What is it?” Rey asked.

“Nothing,” He waved her off, “I just felt something.”

“Is it something good?” She asked.

He smiled, “I think so.”

**Author's Note:**

> please leave kudos and comments! thank you! i update every saturday.


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